How’s your family doing lately? Have you thought of that question? If you’re like many parents, you feel like you’re hanging on for the ride and it hasn’t even occurred to you to take a step back and evaluate how things are going in general. We could go years without considering this question!

Maybe things in your family are good or stable or uneventful. But are they all that they could be? Are they where you and your spouse thought you would be when you started your family?

Process

Now’s your chance to take a look. Here’s a recommended process:

1. Have everyone in the family ages 7 and older answer these questions independently.
   • This will take some time, but it will be so worth it!
2. Before you jump in to everyone’s answers, take a look at what you committed to last time (see #4 below).
3. Then, come together as a family and read your answers.
   • You will notice themes, which should be confirming. Where there’s not overlap, the members of your family may make some great points, whether things to celebrate or things to change
4. Appoint a scribe to take notes on what your family commits to during the conversation.
   • It’s very easy to talk about what you will do — it’s much different and better to make a plan to make it happen.
5. Put everyone’s answers in a book for safe-keeping, and also to review your commitments at the next Family Inventory (see #2 above).
   • We recommend putting these in a 3-ring binder — don’t use a computer! They’ll get buried under other documents and disregarded. Kids spent too much time on screens anyway!

Questions

Notice these questions are worded so that you have to think through the answers and provide specific examples. This is also designed to be an occasion for teaching and sharing feelings. Sample answers from a Dad are given in italics below each prompt. Click here to download the Family Inventory Template in Word.

In the last 3 months….

1. List 1 way in which you’ve seen kindness exhibited in our home.
   • Example: I consistently see you older children encouraging your little sister as she’s been going through potty training. She will not remember all your words, but this kindness will help her intuitively understand that you are for her and her success. She will internalize this and it will strengthen your relationships with her!
2. List 1 way in which you’ve seen respect exhibited in our home.
   • Example: Your Mom & I have seen very little push-back lately when we tell you it’s time for bed, and you have significantly limited the number of times you come downstairs. Thank you for respecting our marriage by giving us that important evening time together.
3. List 1 way in which you have seen God at work in our family.
   • Example: It’s clear that God is at work in all you kids as you memorize His Word at AWANA. It is so encouraging to hear you all hiding the Word of God in your hearts! Those verses will stick with you for a lifetime!
4. List 1 way in which our attitudes or behavior family has demonstrated disrespect to one another. Why is this a problem?
   • Example: The fact that we all have so much energy and want to contribute to the family conversation is great, but we constantly interrupt each other. This is pretty much a universal problem and we need to commit to changing it. When we interrupt one another, what we’re saying in effect is, “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say.” The other side of this, however, is that the person speaking needs to keep their comments brief so that others can speak. If we are going to obey God’s Word to honor one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10), we must make not interrupting each other a priority in our home.
5. Name 1 area of our family life that definitely needs to change. What is your proposed solution to this problem?
   • Example: We have repeatedly failed at getting to bed at the time we all know is best for our energy, attitudes and behavior. I propose we all hold each other accountable by requiring everyone the next morning to state at what time we went to bed the previous night.
6. List 1 thing that we need to start doing in the next 3 months and why.
   • Example: I think it would be awesome if we sought out one other family that is going through something challenging or time-consuming — an illness, a job loss, a move, a newborn baby, or any other type of struggle — and make them a meal and bring them a card, to show we care and are praying for them.
7. What was one favorite memory of yours from the past 3 months and why?
   • Example: Our family hike on Crowder’s Mountain was tough but enjoyable because we were together, we enjoyed the fresh air and we all got some much-needed exercise during lockdown.

Your family is one of the greatest gifts God has given you. Are the members of your family stewarding this gift well? Be honest; there’s nothing to be afraid of here. If your family is where you want it to be, celebrate God’s faithfulness in your lives! If your family is not where you know you need to be, still celebrate the aspects where you see God’s faithfulness evident. Then, wherever you may be failing, own it. Ask for God’s forgiveness and His help in devoting the time and energy you, your spouse and your kids need to invest to experience the abundant family life He wants for you all.

One of the coolest things about this exercise is that it will become part of the archive of your family history — a testament to what God has done and is doing in your family!

Family Inventory template – Word